Fixin’ to Fix It


They came for Jesus. Emotions were intense. Anxiety high.

Peter was fixin’ to fix it.

43 “While He was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, suddenly arrived. With him was a mob, with swords and clubs, from the chief priests, the scribes, and the elders. 44 His betrayer had given them a signal. “The One I kiss,” he said, “He’s the One; arrest Him and take Him away under guard.” 45 So when he came, he went right up to Him and said, “Rabbi!”—and kissed Him.” Mark 14:43-45

“Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it, struck the high priest’s slave, and cut off his right ear. (The slave’s name was Malchus.)” – John 18:10

“But Jesus responded, “No more of this!” And touching his ear, He healed him.” – Luke 22:51

“Don’t you realize that I could ask my Father for thousands of angels to protect us, and he would send them instantly?  But if I did, how would the Scriptures be fulfilled that describe what must happen now?” – Matthew 26:53-54

I just heard from a man who was referred to my video by another man. After watching my testimony he sent me this message:


“I am writing to you today to tell you how much your story has blown me away. I am married to a girl JUST LIKE YOU, Sonya. She was hurt as a girl in ways I can’t even imagine.

I’m ashamed to admit this but I have blown it in every way. I’ve tried to fix her. I tried to make her “forget it” without allowing her to deal with her “crud”.

I didn’t understand and I don’t think I even tried to understand. I wanted what I wanted and I chalked her “I refuse to have sex with you” moods – up to being a typical “woman”.

I feel so disgusting. How could I have done this to her?

I ignored her pain because I didn’t want to deal with it. She pushed me away and I got mad. Instead of fighting for her heart, I pushed back.

I have been unfaithful several times in our marriage and I don’t know how to make it right. I have so much guilt. I don’t know what to do.

After hearing your story and all the things that you went through but how Jesus has changed your life, I couldn’t help but wonder if this is what has been missing in us? I want to know how I can ask Jesus into my heart?

You need to understand how much your story is reaching out to even us “GUYS”.

I don’t blame her for anything. She hasn’t done ANYTHING wrong. I just want to make it right. I love her and I want her to be able to trust me with her whole heart. Do you think she will ever forgive me? Will God?”


I’m a FIXER. I like to FIX it.

If I have the ability, and there’s a need for something to be fixed, then I must try to fix it. Why? Because I don’t like to WAIT. Waiting is not my favorite. At all. Ever.

The problem is I’m a lot like Peter and instead of getting the “all clear” from Jesus, I jump ahead and cut off people’s ears. My heart is to do the right thing, but without asking Jesus what to do FIRST, I place myself and others in jeopardy.

Men get a really bad rap about this issue. But the truth is women are JUST as bad, if not worse. How many times have we jumped ahead of God, with regards to our kids or our husbands because we knew what they needed and no one else could “HELP” them get there. Right???

You might have a spouse who is angry a lot or abrasive and doesn’t make friends easily. So when you find yourself in social situations, and they act in a way that’s ugly or rude, you find yourself “covering” for them by explaining it away. When in reality, we shouldn’t have to defend their inappropriate behavior. We do the same thing with our kids. We jump in and do things for them that will bail them out of bad choices because we don’t want to see them fail or worse, have it be a reflection of US or our parenting failures.

Men are the protectors and fixers. Women are the nurturers and fixers. I’m a fixer. We’re ALL fixers

I love the comment from this husband. It’s so heartfelt and honest. But I fear that he still might be trying to FIX it because he’s tired of waiting.

It’s hard to WAIT on God. Waiting is the most difficult thing in the spiritual walk. Waiting means that we are willing to put our desires aside and TRUST Jesus Christ COMPLETELY! Fixing it allows us the delusion that WE are in charge and that we control our lives. WAITING on Jesus to tell us what to do next, places the control in HIS hands.


Here’s what I do know.

1. God WILL forgive. Period.

2. We don’t FIX anyone. Only Jesus can do that. It’s hard to watch those that we love hurt and not be able to DO anything about it. I know that this was hard on Rick as he learned more and more about my abuse and how it effected areas of my life. He wanted to FIX IT. And he couldn’t. I didn’t need HIM to fix it. I needed him to let me be who I was and to love me through it. The good and the bad. And that’s what he did. Rick understood that Jesus was the only one that could fix it.

3. I don’t know if she WILL forgive him. None of us can control what others do. We can only control how we respond. No matter what others do, we have our own choice to make. Even if she doesn’t forgive him, he can choose to do the right thing.

4. When we refuse to deal with our crud, it stops us from moving forward. We are stuck. It then builds layer upon layer and flows into every aspect of our lives. Poison seeps into every fiber of our being. This is also true when we jump ahead and try to fix emotional things that only JESUS can fix. If you care about someone, don’t try to fix them. Listen. Pray. Let Jesus heal and restore. That’s what they need, anyway. That’s what we ALL need.

5. ‘Typical woman mood thing???’ Hmmm. It’s NOT just a woman thing. I hear from lots of men, too. Some guys are seriously messed up when it comes to sex. Girls, too. How could we not be? This world does nothing to point us toward God’s perfect plan for the sexual experience. Sexual abuse, porn, infidelity, ‘get what you can cause it’s all about your pleasure’ media frenzy has infiltrated every area of modern day life.

Sex is too awesome, too wonderful and too important to ignore, dismiss, refuse or to betray by turning to someone else. God gave that powerful gift to BOTH man AND woman.

My heart is this: if you hate it, PLEASE figure out why. Work hard to figure out why. If you’d rather look at an image then be with a human being, work hard to figure out why. And DEAL with it. Don’t let your CRUD keep you from God’s plan.

I wonder how many of us have hurt the witness of the Gospel, because of all the ears that we’ve cut off? We mean well. We try to do the right thing. But the truth is WE ARE NOT THE FIXER. Only Jesus Christ can FIX anything. By taking matters into our own hands, we’re saying that we don’t NEED Jesus. We’re saying that we are perfectly capable of making our own decisions apart from asking Him what He wants us to do and how to proceed.

So if you are fixin’ to fix it, STOP! WAIT! Let Jesus have the control and TRUST that He’s got this!

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Sonya Brunner

Speaker, Singer, Musician, Worship Leader, Life Coach, Writer, and the founder of Fifty Shades of Grace & the Crud Talk podcast. "I help people learn how to deal with the pain of their past so they can live in freedom. Got Crud? Let's deal with it."

5 Responses

  1. I never thought about Peter the way you described him. I realized that I have cut off many ears, I’m afraid. I didn’t mean to but that’s exactly how you described it. We don’t mean to do it but we jump ahead of God. Thank you for your openness and for showing us that we all have crud. I have too much crud but I’m working on it.

  2. Sonya, you continue to bless me with every article you write. I’m waiting for a book. Please tell me there’s a book in your future?

  3. My wife has a similar story to yours. She was abused in her home by a step father and she is closed off to anything sexual. I have to admit that it does get old after a while. I want to fix it because I can’t take it any more. If she doesn’t want me then what’s the point? I haven’t cheated on her but I’m tempted. It’s not a good situation and I don’t know what to do.

  4. Oh, this was another good one, Sonya. I have to admit. I am a fixer, too. I didn’t think about it being a lack of trust. That was eye opening. I have been struggling in my marriage for the last year. My husband lost his job and has been distant. I decided to “fix it” and went out and got a really good job. I thought that he would be relieved and happy but instead, he is almost angrier. He’s very bitter. He hardly ever goes to church. I’ve been praying for God to turn it around and it’s not happening. I need prayer.

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