5 Year Olds Don’t ASK FOR IT.


I prayed and prayed about whether or not to share this post…

I feel like the Lord gave me the green light because this serves a WAY bigger purpose then just me.

I got this message:

“You talk a good game there, Sonya, but you still CHOSE to participate in the sin. Why didn’t you call the police? Why didn’t you tell a teacher? Why didn’t you run away? I’m sick and tired of women “claiming rape” when they could have screamed or called the police or ran away and gotten help. Why don’t they press charges? You could’ve told someone – but you didn’t.

Weak women continue to cry “rape and assault” or now the hype is…”Human Trafficking” – but choose to go back or stay in the abuse. These “so-called” abductions of women and kids, why doesn’t anyone report it – if it’s in the millions? Why don’t they run away or tell the police? At what point are they accountable for their actions?

I’ll tell you WHY.

Women choose that life because it’s an easy way to get the big money that comes with it – and most of them are drug addicts who need to support their addictions.

Anyone that would allow someone to have sex with them for money, or stay with their abuser doesn’t need forgiveness, they need a PSYCH ward. Unless they had a gun to their head, there was always a way to get out.

That is a choice.

You do your followers a disservice by not telling them that they have a choice in what happens to them. It’s actually irresponsible. I think sexual abuse and human trafficking is glamorized just like the Me To movement. The numbers are exaggerated and people’s lives have been destroyed by false accusations and convictions.

Most of the girls I know that claimed to be “raped” were putting themselves in situations where they could get closer to the guy by choice. They weren’t forced to have sex. They wanted sex and then when the guys didn’t want them, they were rejected and they lashed out and claimed that they never wanted the sex.

All of a sudden there’s police at their door and men, all over, are sitting in a jail cell waiting to know if they will be convicted for a crime they never committed.

He pays for it with his life because she changed her mind. She chose it but can lie and say it was rape after the fact.

There is always a choice. Therefore, they have chosen the abuse and shouldn’t depend on the rest of us to bail them out. Unwanted sex isn’t great, but at least you are alive…and didn’t lose your life or livelihood.

No one is willing to say this so I will. You had a choice. I know you don’t want to hear this…but you did. You chose to stay in the abuse. You need to stop trying to make everyone feel sorry for you and own up to your sin.”

Deep Sigh.

I won’t lie. This shocked me. I have NEVER been short for words…or at a loss for a comeback that will literally make you poo your pants. But this SHOCKED ME…at the ridiculous words this person allowed themselves to write out loud. At the STUPIDITY and GROSS NEGLECT of the world, people who are being hurt, our country and the issues we face. 

I have so much to say…to scream about…to defend…so many ways I want to obliterate this person. And all I can tell you is…that Jesus spoke immediately to my heart.

There is a lesson here…MANY MANY MANY lessons to learn from these words.

In the midst of abuse or trauma…there are TONS of factors that make up the atmosphere in which a person is trying to live and navigate.

None of us can know what we’d do…until we’re forced to walk in those exact shoes.

I’m thinking that my 5 year old self didn’t understand anything…other then Big Bird, Cookie Monster and that it was normal for a man, & multiple men…to touch me and hurt me the way that they did. Same for my 6 year old, 7 year old, 8 year old, & 9 year old self (you get the picture).

He would threaten to hurt me OR my mom if I told. He always made good on that threat.

So, I did what I had to…based on the (emotional) skill set that I had as a KID, to protect myself and my mom.

I’m thinking that took more guts than sending this message to me.

At 10 years old – I did tell. I told the only adult I trusted. My mom. What did she do with that information? She beat me repeatedly for stealing her man with my “10-year old seduction skills.” There wasn’t liberation or freedom…instead she would punish me for forcing this man to hurt me like he did. In her warped brain, she wanted to kill me, & I’m not talking just threats. I knew she COULD…and WOULD when she chose to do it.

When I was about to turn 12,  something in me KNEW that I needed to get help. I need you to get in your head…an 11 year old child...having to make this decision. Despite the FEARdespite the total risk to me, whether I died or not…I called for help. Weak? I think not.

“You need to stop trying to make everyone feel sorry for you and own up to your sin.”

I’m going to say this once and for all, because it’s TOO PAINFUL to say more than that:

The deepest struggle…the greatest shame…the most debilitating piece to this whole thing for me…is the thought that ANYONE would feel SORRY for me. I HATE THAT. I reject that. I absolutely want to vomit at the thought that someone would feel that way about me. 

And yes, it’s true. All of us ARE sinners. Yes, it’s true that we all have choices. I HAVE made horrible, unhealthy choices at multiple times in my life. All true.

What happened to me as a CHILD however, WAS NOT my choice. And the same is true…I DID CHOOSE to tell and get help. I got myself out of the house. (Thank you, Detective Wakefield!)

These “SO CALLED” Abductions...let’s just sit on that one for a minute.

There are an estimated 20-40 million trafficked persons in the world. That figure includes both sex trafficking, commercial sexual exploitation, forced labor exploitation, & organ harvesting.

The numbers if there were 100,000 would be too many. One person is TOO MANY. I was NOT abducted. I was trafficked in plain site while living with a mother…who left me with a boyfriend…who abused me, raped me and sold me to men for sex.

This person says, “why doesn’t anyone report it if it’s in the millions?” I’m thinking that there are MANY ways to make people disappear. How can we know…most are NEVER reported. I would say that number is MUCH higher then what we estimate.  

“Women choose that life because it’s an EASY WAY to get the BIG MONEY that comes with it.” 

I’m thinking that he needs to be held down against his will…tied to a post and raped 20-40 times a day…beaten, battered, urinated on, deficated on, and then tell us how “EASY” it was. 

Let me just say here…I can TOTALLY understand (ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT FROM ME) how someone could/would find themselves in a full blown addiction, addicted to drugs…in order to get through it or to try to numb themselves. There ARE other choices, but when you are being abused and tortured, you are not in your “right mind”. Any POW will talk to you about PTSD and trauma and survival…and the mental abuse and fragility of the human mind during massive torture. 

And WHAT BIG MONEY? These children, these people don’t get ANY MONEY! Come on, man!

Deep, deep sigh. 

Weak Women? (laughing at the stupidity here…) I can assure you…there is NO SHORTAGE of COURAGE with this girl…or any other girl… any woman who tells her story or who DOES WHAT SHE HAS TO DO TO LIVE. 

I did the best I could with what I KNEW at the time. I lived. I got myself out of that house and Jesus NEVER beat me up for what I did…or didn’t do…during that season in my life. I’m guessing if He is good with me, then I AM GOOD WITH ME, TOO!

AND ALL GOD’S PEOPLE (you know us flawed, sinful, people that He has saved and forgiven and restored) said AMEN!

If someone is hurting you, you get help ~ WHEN you safely can. You do what you have to, to survive. No apologies for that. EVER!

One of the sweetest messages that I’ve ever received came from a marine named Alex…who wrote to me about his sexual abuse at the hands of a coach when he was 13.

He said, “Sonya, you have more guts than most of the men that serve with me. You could kick our ‘butts’ in surviving torture! How do I know? Look how you SURVIVED. And how you help people! You didn’t let it destroy you.”

Here’s the thing: Hurting people hurt people. There will always be someone who will choose to try and tear you down with their words or actions. Why? Because they have CRUD that they haven’t dealt with.

None of that matters, though. What matters is what I BELIEVE about MYSELF. Am I who Jesus says I am…or not? I will tell you MY TRUTH…I’m nothing and could not have done ANYTHING without Jesus Christ. He’s the hero. He’s the brave one. He’s the Savior.

And finally…after praying over this and sharing my heart with Jesus, I actually SMILED. Why?

Because I KNOW that I KNOW that I KNOW…that Jesus lives in my heart for SURE…because of what I DIDN’T say here that I WANTED to. 😉

Look how cool Jesus is…there was a time that this type of thing might have kept me stuck in the bed in the fetal position…but because of JESUS…His love has given me STRENGTH and PURPOSE and HOPE…to grow me up to the point where no matter what happens – I KNOW that HE’S GOT ME.

If you are a survivor of any difficult, traumatic, act of violence or event…lift your head. NEVER APOLOGIZE for what you “had to do” in that situation to live through it. 






Let Jesus heal you, protect you, restore you and redeem you. If He did it for ME, He will do it for YOU. 


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Sonya Brunner

Speaker, Singer, Musician, Worship Leader, Life Coach, Writer, and the founder of Fifty Shades of Grace & the Crud Talk podcast. "I help people learn how to deal with the pain of their past so they can live in freedom. Got Crud? Let's deal with it."

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