07 Jul Why?
As Pharaoh approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord, and they said to Moses, “Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren’t there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us? Why did you make us leave Egypt? Didn’t we tell you this would happen while we were still in Egypt? We said, ‘Leave us alone! Let us be slaves to the Egyptians. It’s better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!’”
But Moses told the people,
“Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:10-14
Why did you do this?
Why did you bring us here?
What have you done to us?
We knew this would happen.
Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?
Why is it that we think we know better than God?
They prayed and asked God to help them and so He does and then they whine about the way that He helped them.
My childhood was filled with scary images that sought to erase me. My mom would beat me so badly, that I had a hard time standing up. She was a lonely girl, who never felt loved. She was afraid. She was hurting and lashed out over and over to try to forget her pain and inflict it in me.
One night, she had come into my room to beat me. She grabbed any item she could get her hands on and hit me again and again. I never hit her back, but I would simply lift my arms in front of my body to protect myself from her blows. She was screaming at me that I had ruined her life and that she wanted me dead. Suddenly, she went completely still. She stared at me but she wasn’t seeing me. She turned and left the room.
It was quiet. Too quiet.
As I held my breath, I waited. And she did NOT disappoint. She charged into the room, holding her pistol in her hands. I knew it well. It was the one that she kept in her top right hand dresser drawer. As she stepped towards me, I backed away. She lunged for me and grabbed me by my hair.
Then she shoved the pistol to my mouth and said,
“You’re not even worth the bullet.”
There was this moment that we just looked at each other. She has me by my hair and just smiles at me with this scary, weird smile on her face. This woman that I desperately loved and wanted nothing but her to love me back. Instead, she beat me with the pistol. Then she left me with the lights turned off and the door slammed shut.
I was hurting really bad and I remember just limping over to my bed. I can’t explain it other than, in that moment I knew “This is it. I can’t take any more.”
And I prayed out loud,
“God if You are real, please help me.”
And He did.
The very next day, He helped me. He took me away from the only human being that I loved.
Many times, we ask God for help but then get crazy mad when He helps because it’s not the path that we would have chosen or the delivery that we had expected. We actually get ANGRY because He didn’t do it the way that we wanted.
It’s like trying to tell the artist who is painting the picture, what it is that he IS seeing. Only the artist knows what he’s seeing.
At the root of this anger is
Fear that He won’t do what He says he will. Fear that He might allow even more hard things to happen to us. Fear that He doesn’t truly LOVE us. Because why would He? How could He? We know the yuck in our hearts. The reason that Israelites got angry? FEAR. They were afraid God would leave them out there. That He would not deliver them like He promised. The reason that my mom hurt me? FEAR. Fear from her past. Fear of not having control. Fear of never being loved. Her fear came out in anger.
I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to be loved. I never wanted to be removed from my mother. I loved her. I just wanted her to love me back. She’s the only person I had on this earth. I felt alone. I was numb. I didn’t even feel human anymore. There were moments when I actually thought, “I’d rather be back getting the beatings, then to feel this.” In other words, I too felt like it would be ‘better to be a slave in Egypt then to be a corpse in the wilderness.’
But in order for me to LIVE, Jesus had to do what He did. That’s how I met Him. That’s how I fell in love with Him.
That’s how He changed my life, by changing my life!!!
Was it the path that I would have chosen for myself? NO!!! Was it the path that worked out for my good? YES!!!
All I ever wanted was to be loved. And that nasty “Egyptian” flooded path of hurt and pain and hard stuff…CRUD – was the way that lead me to JESUS.
That path. That plan.
The very thing I always wanted, Jesus gave me. LOVE!
Whatever Egyptian (crud/stuff) you are facing today, you can trust the One who has brought you to this moment. Jesus loves you. He has a plan for your life. No matter where He leads or how He leads you, YOU CAN TRUST HIM! And for goodness sake, don’t be an idiot like me and waste ANY energy getting angry with the Lord because of the way that He decides to deliver you. He loves you. He doesn’t want to harm you. He died for you. You. The whole YOU. All your sin. All your crud. All your fear. YOU.
So, don’t be afraid.
Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today.