SEX – It’s What’s NOT Happening! Part 1

SEX – It’s What’s NOT Happening! Part 1

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” 

Genesis 2:24-25

 

You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride,
a secluded spring, a hidden fountain.
Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates
with rare spices—
henna with nard,
nard and saffron,
fragrant calamus and cinnamon,
with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh, and aloes,
and every other lovely spice.
You are a garden fountain,
a well of fresh water
streaming down from Lebanon’s mountains.

Awake, north wind! Rise up, south wind! Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits. – Song of Solomon 4:12-16

 

I have a passion about sex. No pun intended.

I can give you many reasons why this is the case. I suspect that one of the biggest reasons that I’m so passionate about intimacy and sex is that it’s a MIRACLE of GOD (that’s the only way I can think to describe my healthy enjoyment of sex with my husband) after everything that I’ve been through in my life. The boy ROCKS my world, alright? Ya, I know. TMI. 

In order to understand why the above statement is totally OKAY for me to think, feel and even admit, you must understand what Jesus saved me from. I was sexually tortured, abused, raped by a man that my birth mother dated for years, from the time I was 5 years old. The sexual acts were painful, psychology damaging and cruel. I was forced to do unspeakable sex acts from oral sex to sex with objects, breath deprivation, bondage, mutilation and sold to multiple men that raped and tortured me. 

 

If there was ever a person who would be AGAINST having sex, you’d think it would be me. You’d be wrong.

 

I was compelled to write this article. Every day I hear from men and women who are devastated because of a sexual sin or lack of intimacy in their marriages. Through the years, I’ve had the opportunity to talk to intelligent, beautiful, successful, Christians in a committed marriage – and over and over again, I am SHOCKED at the LACK OF SEX happening.

 

SEX – it AIN’T happening. I mean zippo. Nada.

 

God has made this awesome event for a man and a woman who have committed their lives in the covenant of marriage and it’s CRAZY SHOCKING how many people are not taking God up on His gift. They are the leaders in their churches, teach sunday school and bible studies and yet there is NO SEX happening in their marriages.

WHAT’S GOING ON?  

Send me your disgusted comments if you want. I’m NOT here to debate the topic of sex.

I’m here to encourage people to be open and honest about their sex lives and get after it. Have some sex. It’s a good thing. There are two human beings involved in sex. God made sex for BOTH man and woman.

The world is having plenty of sex. I know we all know this. It’s everywhere. But they have left God out of it.  They are completely unbalanced and empty. Sex isn’t the know-all / beat-all to a marriage relationship, but it IS part of the marriage relationship. You can’t ignore those parts of God’s word just because YOU have an issue with it.

We have God’s permission. We have His blessing. We have the “how to” in Song of Solomon. Have you actually READ that book in the bible? I CHEE WOW WAH! BAAALOOOOOOOGA!

So what does it say that the people who have been saved by Jesus on the cross, who KNOW the truth, yet have this chasm and disconnect and flat out refusal to participate in sex with their spouse?

Again, I ask what is going on?

Christians should be LEADING the way. And sadly, so many are completely spitting on this part of the word of God.

God did NOT make sex DIRTY.

Let me say that again.

GOD DID NOT MAKE SEX DIRTY.

MAN made sex dirty.

Man took this awesome gift and completely abused and obliterated the meaning of this extraordinary gift from God.  Sex is a reverent act of love and trust between a married couple and I believe it to be a beautiful journey that ebbs and flows as life happens. I do take it seriously. How could I not? I’ve been completely betrayed in the area of sex. I understand how powerful it is. I don’t take it lightly.

Sex connects us to our spouse like NOTHING else will.

You will never hear me describe sexual acts between my husband and myself to protect US. It’s our hearts at stake. I would never invite you into our bedroom. What I am suggesting, encouraging…flat out begging people to do…

…is acknowledge the biblical gift, necessity and importance of SEX in a marriage relationship. Quit lying to yourselves and pretending that it’s okay to NOT have sex. It’s not okay.

When there’s nothing happening sexually in a marriage relationship, there is ALWAYS something else going on. Something deeper.

Always.

God said, “The two shall become one.” That means that God created sex for BOTH the man and the woman.

In my years of talking with people about sex, when there are struggles present (other then a medical condition which is still “something else going on”), there is always an absence of intimacy (COMMUNICATION). Communication is critical, but I’m sure you’re aware, many people NEVER talk about it. Privately, couples are miserable and hurting because there is no sex and no communication. There are huge deficits in the area of sex in main stream Christianity and it’s not hard to understand why.

 

How did you learn about sex?

 

We have NO CLUE what we’re doing sexually. Most people got their first introduction by watching porn, looking at a magazine, asking a friend or sibling, movies, or the internet, or sadly sexual abuse. With the introduction of the internet, sex is one click away. Not just images, but actual videos free for the curious and addicted human begins.

 

If a young man watched pornography as his introduction to sex, then has that image in his head as his frame of reference, the woman he marries will never compare to that image because…

 

#1 Porn isn’t real life. There are tons of people everywhere, sweaty, yucky men holding boom cameras and lights and what seems like a ‘one take experience’ is a flat out lie with take after take after take. Can any man go for 60 minutes straight? Can any girl? Rubbish.  

#2 That girl in the movie was probably high, drugged, forced or worse ‘chose’ to be in that movie because of her own hurt or abuse in her life. I can tell you that no little girl comes into this world and says, “when I grow up I want to have sex with a bunch of guys who DON’T love me and have everyone in the world watch.”

If the young bride got her first experience from movies, friends or worse…was told nothing except sex is dirty-don’t do it…how do you think that’s going to go in her marriage?

How do our men learn the art of pleasing a woman? Make no mistake. It IS a learned skill. How would a woman know what feels good to a man? Is there a Sunday School class that will teach us the fine art of sexual pleasure? (Ha! Ha! I’d like to teach that class. Rick shakes his head in an “over my dead body-that will NEVER happen” way.)

So it begs an even bigger question.

If we as the church are trying to support godly marriages, WHY are we not teaching what a GODLY marriage is? We talk about how the world is morally twisted and how sexual sin is rampant. We talk a lot about divorce. We put an emphasis on fidelity and submission. 

But we don’t talk about sexual needs, desires and sexual health of married couples. Sex is an afterthought. 

Could it be our own baggage “our CRUD” grays the truth of that teeny tiny part in the bible?  Could it be that we don’t have a clue because of our own twisted past experiences? Is it possible that sweet, servants of the Lord CHOOSE to ignore this important command?

The bible says, “Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is SIN.” James 4:17

 OUCH! Is it just me or is it starting to get a little hot in here? 

If everything in your sex life is GREAT, then you aren’t reading this article, anyway.

BUT…If you’re in a marriage that is sexually damaged, broken or sex is nonexistent, would you have the courage to seek the truth?  No excuses. No blame. Just truth – deep in your heart between you and Jesus about why there’s no sex in your marriage.

We’re about to get after it and deal with some crud. Are you ready? 

Click on the link below for Part 2 of this three-part series:

 “SEX – It’s What’s NOT Happening!” – Part 2

 

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50 Comments
  • Jliner7
    Posted at 01:17h, 10 February Reply

    I’ve been waiting for you to write this, Sonya. Thank you for your courage and insight into topics that are just not discussed in our churches today. I think we try to do better but still fall short in the area of sex in marriage. I can’t wait for the part 2 and 3. This is really going to help people.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 15:50h, 10 February Reply

      Thank you for the encouragement. I think there are churches that have been able to deal with the topic of sex but there are plenty of churches that do not. I’m thankful that I have had Pastors in my walk that have been open and honest about sex and God’s word, so that I could learn what God truly had to say about sex and intimacy. Thanks for reading.

  • Eye4l8t
    Posted at 01:18h, 10 February Reply

    I have been married for 6 years and my husband has been involved in pornography. I have abuse in my background and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex. I know that this hurts him but I just can’t seem to get over it. He says that it’s not something that he has to do, like an addiction but he doesn’t stop doing it. He says that he needs sex more than I’m willing to give. This is really hurting my marriage. What is wrong with me?

  • 12ntp$(09)
    Posted at 01:20h, 10 February Reply

    “When there’s nothing happening sexually in a marriage relationship, there is ALWAYS something else going on. Something deeper.
    Always.” You are SPOT on, Sonya! This is excellent! Way to go! I can’t wait for the next ones.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 15:47h, 10 February Reply

      Thank you for your encouragement and thanks for reading.

  • grace4today
    Posted at 01:23h, 10 February Reply

    This is going to open people’s eyes. I really needed this today! The part where you wrote, “GOD DID NOT MAKE SEX DIRTY. MAN made sex dirty” was exactly what I needed to hear. My attitude about sex is really messed up. I have some real soul-searching to do now. Can’t wait for the next 2 articles. Thank you, Sonya. You continue to amaze me with your courage and open heart. When I read your blog, I feel like I’m not alone.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 15:52h, 10 February Reply

      Oh, I thank you for this note of encouragement. I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling. Don’t be afraid to ask God to reveal what you need to do or to look at in your life to get freedom. It can seem scary now, but continuing on this path will lead to the truth. That’s always a good thing. Thank for reading.

  • PatRes34
    Posted at 01:27h, 10 February Reply

    Ouch is right! This is really convicting. And it’s only part 1. I have a past that hurts deeply. I can’t stand the thought of having sex with anyone, let alone my spouse. It’s not something I ever thought I would have a problem with but I do. And it’s killing my husband. He’s withdrawn and I feel like he might leave me. Waiting for Part 2 and 3.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 15:55h, 10 February Reply

      I’m sorry for your hurt. I can tell you care about your husband deeply. Hang in there with me. Part 2 and 3 will talk about issues that hold us back more in-depth. Have you talked to your husband about how you feel?

  • Eresign29
    Posted at 01:30h, 10 February Reply

    I am embarrassed to admit this but I am a husband who has NO clue how to please his wife. I watched porno movies when I was a kid and clearly that doesn’t cut it in the bedroom. I want to please her but I have no clue what I’m doing. It’s not like I’m going to walk in to my sunday school class and say, “hey guys, I have a prayer request.” No flipping way. Tell me what to do or is that coming tomorrow?

  • Tom4416
    Posted at 01:33h, 10 February Reply

    Sonya, one thing that I have appreciated about you is that you are open and honest about how you feel but you never betray the trust of your spouse by talking about personal sexual things in detail. Your love for your husband is really a beautiful thing and it inspires us to do better in the love department. This is a GREAT article. You nailed it, lady!

  • JillZ22
    Posted at 01:39h, 10 February Reply

    “You can’t ignore those parts of God’s word just because YOU have an issue with it.” Can I tell you how convicted I am right now? That line killed me. I am so guilty of this very thing. I don’t want to discuss sex ever. I don’t want to have sex ever. I’m the worst wife ever. If Part 1 is like this, I can’t imagine what part 2 and 3 will be like. You’ve hooked me. I know that God wants me to read this and deal with my crud. Wow. Just wow. It’s like people are going to read this and will be forced to deal with all of their stuff, whether they want to or not.

  • ulta509
    Posted at 02:09h, 10 February Reply

    Oh my this is really convicting. Guilty as charged.

  • hutn752
    Posted at 02:14h, 10 February Reply

    I don’t see what the big deal is. If a person doesn’t enjoy sex then what’s wrong with them not having sex as much as a person who does enjoy it? And does anyone really enjoy it unless they’re a man? I’m not a fan. I’m not apologizing for it.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 15:57h, 10 February Reply

      Thanks for reading. I appreciate your honesty. But I feel like you left something out. I guess I would ask you why you don’t enjoy it? What happened to you that makes you feel like you’re not a fan of sex?

  • Barb&all
    Posted at 02:19h, 10 February Reply

    Sonya, you crack me up. Your nonjudgmental carefree attitude about sex after everything you’ve been through is a miracle and a testament to how Jesus has healed you. It’s so open and refreshing. Can’t wait for part 2&3.

  • TeresaJ2
    Posted at 02:24h, 10 February Reply

    I’m guilty of ignoring the importance of sex. It has hurt my marriage in a horrible way and I have no one to blame but myself. I have hurt my husband. I’ve forced him to try alternative options. When I was 16, I was raped by a guy who was older than me and I have never dealt with it. If my husband tries to have sex, I tense up and freeze. I know it hurts him. How do I get past this? Anxiously waiting Part 2 and 3.

  • justfour1
    Posted at 02:25h, 10 February Reply

    This is really good, Sonya. Can’t wait for tomorrow.

  • russA701
    Posted at 02:39h, 10 February Reply

    How did I learn about sex? My older brother told me that if you can get two girls in one night, you are a rock star. If they know about each other and still want you to have sex with you at the same time, then you are King. He’s also been divorced three times. I never learned anything about a woman’s sexual needs or erogenous zones or anything other then straight up missionary sex. Then to try to “enlighten” myself, I watched porn and got into BDSM. I always felt empty. It accomplished the orgasm but it did nothing for my soul. I met my wife and married her about 2 1/2 years ago. She’s an amazing woman. I know that I’ve failed her in the area of sex. I don’t want to be that man anymore. I want to connect with her deeper than I’ve ever been before. She makes me happy. I want to GIVE HER MY BEST (like you said). She is worth it. This is really eye opening. As a guy who has way too much pride for his own good, I know that this article is for me. I know I can do better. I want to do better. I’ll be reading part 2 and 3.

  • JeanLouise
    Posted at 04:33h, 10 February Reply

    Touch down, Sonya! This is right on the money. Wow. I’m not even sure where to start. I guess I just wanted you to know that you have convicted me BIG TIME with this article. I can’t wait for part 2 & 3. Really good.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 15:59h, 10 February Reply

      Thank you for that encouragement. Any time God gets our attention will always be a good thing for US. I appreciate you reading and look forward to your thoughts for Part 2 and 3.

  • JakeMa867
    Posted at 04:37h, 10 February Reply

    I have a wife who will not allow herself to enjoy sex. At first I thought it was because she was just embarrassed to express herself like that. But then it got to be a serious problem in our marriage. I’m starting to see that it’s not just HER. I think maybe I’ve been too rough or not been attentive to her needs. Thank you for allowing what happened to you be the catalyst for such powerful healing in other people’s lives. I’ll be logging in, tomorrow.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 16:02h, 10 February Reply

      Wow, I am so proud of you. It’s not just one person in a marriage so issues can’t just be one person’s fault. I always feel like I need to not focus on my spouse, but try to see what I can do to make it better. You must love her a lot to want to do better. I love that. Let me know what you think about part 2 and 3. Thanks for reading.

  • WendyTaz2
    Posted at 05:08h, 10 February Reply

    Wow. This is truly convicting. What you said “So what does it say that the people who have been saved by Jesus on the cross, who KNOW the truth, yet have this chasm and disconnect and flat out refusal to participate in sex with their spouse?” That just hit me between the eyes. That is ME. I am pretending that it’s okay that I don’t want to have sex with my husband. Awesome article, Sonya. Ready for tomorrow for part 2.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 16:03h, 10 February Reply

      You are NOT alone. Thank you for reading and for your encouragement. Let me know what you think for part 2 and 3.

  • Pete2!ki
    Posted at 05:14h, 10 February Reply

    Finally – someone admits that we men are not “mind readers”. It’s so frustrating to be put in the position to have to know how my wife is feeling and what she wants when she can’t even tell me herself. It’s like she’s ashamed to be with me in that way. I know she’s holding something back from me. I’m going to see if she’ll read this article. We need something to change.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 16:05h, 10 February Reply

      Talking openly about how we feel when the feelings might be considered negative is really hard to do. Also, sometimes the issues that hold us back are buried so deeply that the person that is struggling truly doesn’t understand why. I’m praying that you and your spouse will read part 2 and 3 together and that this will open the door to communication, which is where all of us need to start. Thanks for reading.

  • CadeO03
    Posted at 05:17h, 10 February Reply

    How do you do that? How do you write words that speak right to me? This was a serious wake up call. I’m scared for part 2 and 3. Thank you for your insight and courage. I’m also grateful that there is hope. Even for me. I need it. I love your beautiful spirit. By the way. You sing like an angel. Where can I get your music?

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 16:08h, 10 February Reply

      Thank you for your encouragement. The Holy Spirit is the one who guides my words and people might not think of this but even though I’m the one writing this stuff, I too, get convicted. And that’s the point for me is to grow in the Lord and to do better in all that I do. You can order my music on this website. Simply leave your name and contact info on my contact page and I can ship you one. Thanks for reading.

  • DiAne73
    Posted at 05:20h, 10 February Reply

    Sonya, this was excellent. You have a way with words, my friend. I want to be angry with what you said, but I know you speak the truth. The holy spirit has convicted me through your words or his words. You know what I mean. Bless you.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 16:08h, 10 February Reply

      Amen and I’ll say me too! Let me know what you think about part 2 & 3.

  • GregPyd8
    Posted at 05:25h, 10 February Reply

    My wife is not into having sex at all. I’m lonely. I’ve tried to talk to her but she won’t open up. I want you to know that I didn’t always look at porn but I can’t help it. It’s a way to get what I need if she’s gonna reject me. I don’t know what to do anymore.

  • Strixt99
    Posted at 15:30h, 10 February Reply

    Can I just say I really hate you right now! No but seriously this is one big giant conviction. My marriage has been good but not in the area of sex. I hold back and I know why, but I’m ashamed to tell my husband. Also, it feels weird to be admitting out loud, that I haven’t liked sex after all these years in marriage. I don’t want to hurt him. But it’s not good. Seriously not good at all. Are you going to give pointers in Part 2? Cause I’ll be logging in.

  • Fox27arm
    Posted at 15:38h, 10 February Reply

    This is going to sound crazy but I’m breathing a huge sigh of relief. I am a christian man who loves his wife but I know that sex is NOT fulfilling to either of us and I’ve been too ashamed to say it. I’m feeling guilty because I have not a clue as to what would make her feel good. When I read this post, I just felt like I could take a deep breath. I’ve been holding it in for years. I don’t know what to do to make it better and I think I lied to myself and said as long as there is an orgasm for me, it must be okay. I feel like this is right on time for Valentine’s Day and I thank God that I got to read this today.

  • Nan61hub
    Posted at 15:39h, 10 February Reply

    I’m so sorry for all that you had to go through. I can’t stand oral sex and knowing that you were forced to do that to a man when you were a child makes me sick. You probably get asked this all the time but how do you enjoy sex when you were clearly tortured with it so young?

  • ErinTp33
    Posted at 15:43h, 10 February Reply

    GREAT ARTICLE! This is so good. My husband and I read this together, Sonya. You are totally right about what you wrote. Sex is NOT dirty. And when things are not happening in the bedroom, there are other things going on. We have become stuck in a routine that has pushed us away from sex and we are almost too independent to get back that part of our lives. We can’t believe that you are able to talk about sex so openly after all that you had to go through. My husband was the one who said that he never thought of sex as being for BOTH of us, created for BOTH of us till we read this. We need to shake things up and to make sex a priority. Waiting for part 2.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 16:14h, 10 February Reply

      You are not alone. First of all how much do I love the fact that you guys are reading this TOGETHER? I love that! There are many couples who get stuck. Sex is intimate. It’s not something that many people can openly discuss. Even with our spouses. So to openly talk about what we want and what we like, seems really embarrassing and downright scary. I think we sometimes believe the fairy tale that if it is true love that it should be perfect and everyone just knows what to do physically to be a crazy fireworks event. We know that this is NOT true. And so we stay silent when we should be opening that door to talk about it. Thank you for reading and for your encouragement. Let me know what you guys think of part 2 and 3.

  • AlecGr15
    Posted at 16:41h, 10 February Reply

    Does this mean that you will FINALLY teach a class? Sign me up. My wife would thank you!

  • Chris#Ebj
    Posted at 16:45h, 10 February Reply

    This has been the topic of conversation today at work. You would be proud of all of us for talking about our sex crud. It started with a few of the ladies I work with reading the post and then they started talking about the sex lives and then a couple of men were like “that’s how wives really feel about us, that we don’t know what we’re doing? Maybe we should read this.” It was awesome. So you had women on one side of the break room in discussion and the men on the other. WAY TO GO, SONYA!

  • jillS312
    Posted at 16:46h, 10 February Reply

    So when does part 2 come out?

  • CarrieJk
    Posted at 16:49h, 10 February Reply

    Horrible sex ruined my marriage. I am now divorced but this article spoke to me in ways I didn’t imagine. I have scars from my past and I can see how I pushed my ex away. He didn’t understand. He also was too rough and didn’t focus on me. He didn’t take his time and it was not fun for me at all. So I did anything to avoid sex entirely. I have a lot to think about. Waiting for part 2 and 3.

  • James12
    Posted at 20:29h, 10 February Reply

    This was excellent. Bring on part 2. We’re ready!

  • Theo34xq
    Posted at 20:33h, 10 February Reply

    I just can’t imagine what you had to go through, Sonya. You are so full of life and love. It’s only by God’s grace that you are who you are. You are a beautiful Jesus girl who has a light that nothing can put out. Your passion for sex is truly inspirational. I think that there might be an influx of babies being born 9 months from now. Your article is compelling. Anxious for part 2.

  • Julie Sibert
    Posted at 19:17h, 13 February Reply

    Nicely stated Sonya! Yeah!! I’ve actually been echoing these sentiments since 2010 on my blog http://www.IntimacyInMarriage.com and have co-authored a book on the topic, “Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage.”

    It’s good to have as many Christian voices as possible speaking up as champions for the gift sex is in marriage. Well done sister! Don’t stop!

    And be encouraged that more people are taking up the cause as well. Over the past several years, I’ve met some Christian marriage bloggers who are incredibly committed to shedding light on godly sexuality, healing from sexual brokenness, pursuing nurtured intimacy in marriage, and so forth.

    If you would ever like to write a guest post on my site, contact me.

    In the meantime, keep fighting the good fight and spreading God’s truth and heart about sex!

  • CaseyN
    Posted at 12:00h, 30 August Reply

    oh Sonya I just got done reading all 3 of your posts. They were so good. I feel like your words have freed me up to communicate how I’m feeling. My marriage is good but it can always be better. You must hear this all the time but thank you for your willingness to open up such hard topics so that we all can get the benefit.

  • 4332bnwo
    Posted at 12:00h, 31 August Reply

    Oh my goodness this was just what I needed to see today! My husband and I have been struggling with sex for quite a while now and I have gotten to the point that I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want to be what he needs but I know that I’m not. I have struggled with my weight for many years and even though I am at a decent weight now, I can’t get the “fat girl” out of my head. She’s always there. He says that he loves me and that my obsession with my looks is ruining our marriage. He’s always asking me, “Why can’t you just believe me?” And the answer is I don’t know why. How could he love me when I look so ugly? Would you be willing to pray for us? I don’t want to lose my husband.

  • Therealmrgrey
    Posted at 12:00h, 31 August Reply

    My question is if you happened to be a man that needed a little more direction on the area of pleasing your wife, where could one find that information. I’m asking for a friend. Ha! No, I think you hit the nail on the head. Guys know the basics to get what they need. But many of us don’t pay attention to the other “zones”. Your story is a beautiful picture of strength and perseverance and I think this is going to help many people. Do you teach a class on this subject?

  • Karl
    Posted at 12:00h, 31 August Reply

    Not to make light of you well-written article; but it even gets better when you go plant-based!

  • Pastor Mike Waits, MA Marriage & Family, RN
    Posted at 12:00h, 02 September Reply

    I appreciate ur willingness to confront some issues that leave Christians a little confused. Last month I had a family leave my church because I mentioned pornography is a problem for even Christian men and Joe destructive it is, so I appreciate big time the discussion. I would caution u tho in ur assumptions being applied to all age groups. Ur writing conveys youthfulness and u cannot grasp yet what the decades do to sex drive. Older couples really can be very close and enjoying a sweet love even while not having frequent sexual intercourse. Love, like our relationship with our Lord, changes in its depth, breadth, and facets of expression over time….

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 22:54h, 05 September Reply

      I so appreciate your insight. Please forgive me if it sounded like I was generalizing everyone together. I was addressing married adults who were still physically able to be sexually active and were absolutely flat-out refusing to have sex because of CRUD or issues left undealt with. Thankfully I have quite a few married couples who are older in our lives. They’ve taught me MANY things about marriage and about Jesus. You are wise and no doubt, have tons of experience and I was VERY encouraged by your words. Thank you!

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