Scars

Scars

I have scars. 

Scars from cuts and blunt trauma. Scars from burns and whips. Scars from wire hangers. Scars from curling irons, and broken glass being thrown and cutting my skin. A zipper that was pulled up and down on bare skin in order to get “caught” in the zipper and break the skin. 

Those are the scars you can see. There are many scars that you can’t see.

I have scars from being told that I was a dirty girl. I have scars from people that were supposed to love me and care for me but instead hurt and abused me. I have scars from friends that said that they cared, but then threw me away. I have scars from believing something was true and finding out it was a lie. I have scars from being unwanted. I have scars from being unloved. Loss of things I dreamed of that will never happen. Disappointments. Shame. Hurt. Fear. Sin choices.

Scars, scars, scars!! I’d give anything to get rid of those suckers. People spend a lot of time and money trying to “erase” their scars. Oh that there could be a magic cream or pill that would take it away as if it were never there. When I see my scars they represent hurt and pain and my proof that I was unloved and unwanted. I hate them.  

 

But then there’s Jesus.

 

Once again Jesus takes my entire earthly belief system and the human plates of what I know about Him and everything shifts on it’s axis because of His word. No. That’s not it. It’s more like the Atomic Bomb has gone off. No. It’s more like a giant meteor has hit the earth and everything is fruit basket upset. No. It’s Jesus. He exposes and changes everything.

 

Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and look at my hands. Put your hand into the wound in my side. Don’t be faithless any longer. Believe!” – John 20:27

 

 

 

JESUS HAS SCARS! He has scars. The perfect holy lamb of God who knows all and can do all has scars. Let that sink in for a minute. The spotless lamb has spots. Jesus has crud. He did nothing to deserve that sinful crud, but He has it, nonetheless. It’s unthinkable. Jesus dies a horrible, undeserved death on a cross. Crud. He raises back to life and reveals Himself and His SCARS to us.

 

The only man-made thing in heaven are the scars of Jesus.

 

He could’ve erased them. He could’ve made them disappear but He didn’t. Why?

They are part of His journey. They are a part of who Jesus is. His hurt and pain and betrayal and abuse by those that knew better but didn’t do better by Him. Crud, crud, crud. His hurt, rejection and sacrifice boldly scarred into His precious body ETERNALLY! 

 

 

What are your scars?

 

 

Maybe you have a physical scar. A rise in the skin, a discoloring, graphed together by time, tears and torment. The cancerous loss of a breast, the stab of a brutal rape, the slashes of a suicide attempt, a car accident, a missing limb. A constant reminder of the hurt. Or maybe you have scars that none of us can see. The ache in your heart at the loss of a baby, betrayal of a spouse cheating on you, loss of the dream you had for yourself, disappointment, fear, abandonment, rejection, hurt, anger, hatred.

Scars are unique and tell a story. Scars are the physical proof of crud. Crud is a result of sin in this world. Sometimes our crud is man made. Sometimes our crud is self inflicted. I understand what it’s like to be hurt. And no one gets to tell you how long is “too long” to hurt. That is between you and Jesus. None of us are going to get through this life unscathed by crud.

 

The bigger the wound, the deeper the cut, the thicker the scar. The harder you fight to deal with that wound, the greater the SCAR will heal.

 

But make no mistake. It’s hard work dealing with your crud. How you deal with it, makes all the difference. Many of us have refused to deal with our crud which has caused major scarring. Which makes the attempt to begin to deal/heal, even harder. Do not be afraid. Do NOT be ashamed of the scar. Even Jesus had scars.

The bible is loaded with how much Jesus loves us. But I have to say this expression of love that Jesus KEPT His SCARS-completley takes my breath away. Think about it. Jesus is the greatest plastic surgeon ever. Yet…He kept His scars. I am shocked by this. Maybe it’s because a Savior such as Jesus, with ALL power – would not only love me but SHOW me that He loves me in a way that in the depths of my soul, I could truly understand. My scars-my pain. His scars-His pain.

When Jesus chose to keep His scars, He didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for Him or to remind all of us how despicable we truly are to do those things to a blameless King. Jesus is NOT ashamed of the scars. He wears them to show us we are NOT alone. He is one of us. He understands. And those scars never stopped Him from being who He truly was. His hurt and pain happened. The scars prove it. They were important enough to not “erase” but they also didn’t stop Him from living the life He was supposed to live. He never gave up. He never quit. He didn’t feel sorry for Himself.  He felt the pain, dealt with the crud of all that rejection and hurt and loved anyway!!! He forgave. He loved. He lived!

 

Your scars are proof that the crud happened but also, that you made it.

 

You survived. God has a plan for your life. What will you do with it? Keep trying to hide or erase your scars of crud? Feel sorry for yourself? Or not quit, not give up and live the life that Jesus wants us to live. Forgive. Love. Live!

12 Comments
  • Lisa Cobbs-Potter
    Posted at 23:41h, 27 February Reply

    Makes me think of the Point of Grace song that I love.
    Heal the Wound but leave the scar, a reminder of how Merciful You (God) are !

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 02:25h, 28 February Reply

      That’s a beautiful song, too.

  • Carol
    Posted at 15:50h, 02 March Reply

    I heard you speak at the Oklahoma State Evangelism conference and I wanted to thank you for your courage to share such a horrible pain in your life with the world. As I sat there listening to you speak, I could feel your pain but more then that, your strength at who God has made you. It was incredible to me that you would be standing upright, when most of us would be in the fetal position with our thumbs in our mouths. I am forever changed by your challenge, “If you won’t tell, who will?” I have major crud that I need to deal with and I know that it was only God that had me there that day. This article as well, has really moved me towards embracing the hard work that needs to be done on my “crud”. I struggle with all of those things – blame, guilt and inability to forgive. I have a lot of anger towards my family. I haven’t been able to forgive them. It effects everything. How I parent, how I’m a wife. All of that. I haven’t been FREE to share my story with others. Everything you said was true. Thank you for your faithfulness. Please pray for me as I get ready to do the “hard” work, as you said. Do you have a CD that I can buy? I’d love to have one.

  • Meghan
    Posted at 15:56h, 02 March Reply

    I watched your testimony. At first I got mad that you would say I was an “ABUSER”. But that was only because I was convicted. My children have been taken away from me. I have had a drug problem for 3 years and it started with a guy I got involved with. He would sell drugs and we started using together. I lost my job. My life has been one giant scar. I have crud to deal with and I feel hopeless alot. My parents tried to get me to go to church but I never would follow through. It’s hard to sit there when they all come in with nice clothes, smiles on their faces and I’m like, “I don’t have enough money for milk and bread.” I have scars that seem to just keep building on top of each other. I’m angry and I’d rather take the drugs. At least then I’m numb. What did Jesus do for you? I mean how did He make it better?

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 18:05h, 02 March Reply

      Oh Meghan,

      I am so thankful that you wrote to me. I too, was upset at the idea that I…the girl who had been abused, was at times an abuser. It really freaked me out. The word abuser means to cause harm. I know that in my life at times, I have hurt others by my words and actions. Listen, I have never taken drugs before, but I can understand that need to “forget” the pain. You cannot take drugs. Period. It will stop you from dealing with your crud and you will never be free. Get yourself to a program in your community. I have sent an email with resources for you to find one in your area. You need to be truthful in order to deal. So a clear mind is what needs to happen to get to the truth. Going to church is not what will save you. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. He is the only one who can truly help you, save you and forgive you. Do you have a relationship with Jesus? Church is FULL of sinners. It doesn’t matter what they wear, what they earn or where they’ve been. Jesus came to save us from our sin. That means all of us. Please don’t judge God based on what you think or feel when you walk in to a church. There are truly wonderful people that are the same as you (probably sitting right next to you.) Only God knows the heart. So going to church can feed you God’s word and also get you into a community of people who are trying to do life just like you are. You are no better or no worse then anyone in church. Get that in your head and heart. Everyone is equal.

      What did Jesus do for me? He loved me. Period. I didn’t do anything to earn it or deserve it. He loved me.
      He forgave me of all my sin. Period. I didn’t earn that, and I didn’t deserve that. He forgave me. He made it better by loving me no matter what. He never betrayed me. He never left me. He never hurt me. He has taught me how to live. How to serve others. How to love. When I mess up, He doesn’t bail. He stays. He loves. He is the only truth I know. Period. He has given me gifts and talents and dreams and hope. He has provided what I need. He gave me a godly husband. He gave me children. He gave me people who care about me. He gave me a calling. He gave me music. He gave me life. He made a way when there was no way. He saved my life. He changed my life and He never stops loving me. Ever. It gets better and better every day. When hard hurtful things happen, He’s right there with His word telling me the truth and loving me through it. There’s sin in this world. That’s not His fault. He didn’t make it this way. We did. Don’t be afraid to deal with your crud. He will forgive you. Trust Jesus with your heart and life today. He will change everything.

  • Dale
    Posted at 16:03h, 02 March Reply

    I watched your testimony and just read your blog. I have scars. When I was 7 years old, a friend’s dad touched me inappropriately and then told me I was “gay” because I he would get me off and then tell me “you loved it. you are gay.” I struggle with pornography and sexual addiction. I don’t connect to people. I feel like sex is my drug of choice. I don’t know how to stop. I’ve never hurt anyone but I can feel that this is going to ruin my life. I believe in God. But I don’t feel like he loves me. Why would he?

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 18:22h, 02 March Reply

      Dale, I am so sorry for all your hurt. An adult has lots of power over a child. I am sorry that he did those things to you. I’m so sorry about that. I thank you for your honesty in this comment. Sex can be used as a way to connect without having to actually emotionally connect with another human being. You are NOT alone in this. You must seek professional help for yourself. When you said, ‘I’ve never hurt anyone…’ You are WRONG. You have hurt yourself. You are worth it to get through your crud. Sometimes crud happens to us and sometimes we make our own crud. And sometimes it’s both. If you haven’t gotten help with your addiction, you must do that. Period.

      You asked why would Jesus love you? Because. He is love. Period. He is incapable of not loving us. He is love. He can’t help himself. He is love and He will always love. Dying on a cross for people’s sin that didn’t even want Him is love. Taking our place on that cross because we would be in hell if He didn’t, is love. I would like to tell you that I understand the love of Jesus. But that would be a lie. His love is so beyond our human understanding, that there is no way to comprehend the why He loves us like He does. The bible says it. I believe it’s total truth. And in faith, I believe. I placed my trust in Jesus and He saved me. If He can love me, He can love anyone. I’ve done horrible things. Sinful yuck things. He forgave me. He’ll forgive you. Jesus died for you. You are worthy, because He says so. You must choose to believe it or not.

      Grateful that you shared. Praying as continue to walk this journey of dealing with your crud.

  • Jenny
    Posted at 16:10h, 02 March Reply

    WOW! Just wow, Sonya. I would love to meet you someday. You just have an annointing on you. I loved this article. I never thought about how Jesus chose to KEEP his scars. What a beautiful way to show us that He does get us. Your courage is a miracle. I love your music, too. It’s just God breathed. I have scars and have been ashamed for years because most of my scars are self inflicted. I loved a man that didn’t love me back and I chased him even after he married another. I was cruel and malicious. I tried to ruin his life. And one day a friend at work invited me to her church. And I asked Jesus into my heart. I have carried around my guilt about my behavior for years. I feel like I should never forget what I did as a penance. I have met a man at the church I attend and he is kind and loving and wants to take the relationship further. I feel undeserving of love. What can I do?

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 18:35h, 02 March Reply

      Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. I want to tell you that to forgive yourself, IS truly the bravest thing we can do. Guilt does nothing to change what happened. Have you watched my video testimony? If not, you need to. Satan wants you to carry around your guilt. That takes the focus off of Jesus and puts it on you. Satan loves that. Have you asked Jesus to forgive you for what you did regarding this man and his wife? If you need to make it right with them (phone call or letter), then I ask that you prayerfully ask Jesus if that is okay or if you should leave it alone. You must own what you did (and it sounds like you have) and then free yourself from the debt that you think you owe. Dealing with your crud means that you get to the “reason” that you did what you did. That will help you to not repeat past mistakes and to move on. Because here’s the thing, when Jesus gets a hold of our hearts and He changes us, it’s really like you are slapping Him in the face by not accepting His forgiveness and love and moving on into the life that He has planned for you. It’s like you are telling Him that YOU know better then He does about what it means to forgive. Do you? I don’t think so. Don’t pass up God given opportunities to love and be loved by a man just because you think you know better then Jesus does. Stop that. Now. He has a plan for your life. Trust Him.

  • Kate
    Posted at 16:13h, 02 March Reply

    I want to thank you for your blog. I have been reading since your first post. Also, wanted to thank you for posting your testimony video. It was powerful. I haven’t heard anyone talk about “dealing with your crud” like you do. It seems like that is at the root of everything we do. I have scars that I am ashamed of. Thank you for showing us that Jesus gets it.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 18:37h, 02 March Reply

      Thank you for your kindness and for reading. Don’t be ashamed. Jesus was not. If you are forgiven, you are forgiven. Our crud IS at the root of everything we do. You got it, sister! Praying for peace and healing and victory is you deal with your scars of crud.

  • Dave
    Posted at 16:21h, 02 March Reply

    Wow! Sonya, I have no words, except that I am sorry that this happened to you. You are a brave, sweet girl who has dumped satan on his “butt”. You rock. To think that any man would hurt you in such a way is unimaginable. You are a beautiful woman and sing like an angel. I can’t get enough of your voice. Do you have a CD available for purchase? Thank you for sharing your story with us and making us look at our own lives so that we can share our stories with others.

    Fan for life,

    Dave

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