LET THERE BE LIGHT!

LET THERE BE LIGHT!

Heard from a guy in Belgium today.

Wait for it….

“Wow. You were really HOT in that movie. You look a lot different on your website.”

WHA??? OH NOW I GET IT.

It’s not fifty shades of grey…
It’s Fifty Shades of GRACE…buddy.

My first reaction…was tense. Ewww. But, this is NOT the first time this has happened.

Then it hit me. I DO look a lot different on my website because I wasn’t IN that movie. I couldn’t help it. I broke out laughing. If you can’t laugh at yourself then what’s the point? Right? At least he watched my story and he asked me questions about some of his crud and how Jesus could help. SO…

The moral to this story for me today is…

ALL OF US…including ME…need to…

Get over ourselves…lighten up…and have faith in the process. TRUST JESUS to draw, lead, save and have His will be done.

After all, He is NOT surprised by that movie or my ministry-He’s the one that called me to do this, or my blog (He gave me that name, btw) or knowing that men and women are looking at those things online and “accidentally” finding ME.

What another POWERFUL lesson learned for me today. I’m absolutely amazed at how God works. I’m in awe that He’d use me and I’m more determined then ever to KEEP GOING!

God can make ANYTHING good.

 

Everything’s alright, right? Apparently not.

Okay. I have a person who is REALLY upset with me because they feel like I’m making light of something so sinful.

“Oh Sonya. What a tragic disappointment you are. It’s sad that you don’t see how you are participating in and even promoting the very thing you CLAIM to be against. With the vile things that you participated in, no doubt you have perversions that need adjusting. Of course you’d think someone thinking you are a “porn star” would be funny. Jesus isn’t happy with you at all. Whatever power you think you have, use your power for good, Sonya. It’s never okay to mix light with darkness. I’m thinking that you don’t know Jesus at all.”

 

Wow.

I want to LIE to you all so bad right now. I’d like to lie and tell you that this meant NOTHING to me. It’s no big deal. That I’m not hurt or devastated that someone would say these things to me. But…that would be a big fat lie.

First of all…she’s just NOW figuring out that I’m a disappointment??? I could’ve told her that and saved her the finger cramps from typing her angry words at me. Wow. Ouch.

And secondly, probably the most brutal strike was this…

‘With the vile things that you participated in, no doubt you have perversions that need adjusting.’

I did NOT participate in the torture or the rapes. I did not beat myself bloody and try to kill myself by choking myself into suffocation. I didn’t WILLINGLY participate in any of that. I was there. My body was used and beaten. But I didn’t WANT that. EVER. The things that were done to me physically and emotionally…I can’t even write them out because of how graphic and disgusting the words would be to read. The morbid sexual rape and torture that I endured is incomprehensible. I don’t want your pity. I want you to get that I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE THAT LIFE. I don’t ENJOY being the spokesperson for SEX or SLAVERY or TORTURE. I wanted to be LOVED. Not hurt. Not betrayed. Not raped. Not sodomized. Not beaten. THIS ISN’T FUN. This is life and death. Heaven and hell.

I certainly wouldn’t make light of anyone being hurt or hurting others. What I WAS laughing at was this man’s inability to see that I was NOT the actress in the movie fifty shades of grey…but just Sonya…in all my messed up, dysfunctional ‘I want everyone to know Jesus’ splendor. That WAS funny to me! Yep. Really funny.

All I can say is that my heart is DARK in places deep down inside with what was done to me. Do you all get that? There is crud that tries to take over my heart and mind and that is why I need Jesus every second of every day. To fight that stuff. It’s a BATTLE, people! A battle that Jesus has already won on the cross for me and for you. It’s what continues to be my journey as I share my story and then they share their stories from across the world on my website every week.

The truth is, men, women & children are being hurt by people who should know better but aren’t doing better by them. As long as there is SIN in the world, this will continue. There’s nothing FUNNY about that. Nothing.

But here’s the thing.

I remember a 17 year old student who came to me because SHE was looking at pornography and felt trapped in that obsession to look. She thought that this SIN took her out of the running for heaven. She felt like she was evil and worthless and the guilt that she carried had her thinking thoughts of taking her own life because she was looking at pornography and LIKED it. She found my story and got counseling to help fight her addiction.

A man who was sexually abused by his coach considered himself to be unworthy of love by any woman because of the sick evil things he unwillingly participated in with that man. He even questioned his sexuality and preferences because of that shame. He found my website, watched my story and got saved.

A couple was ready to call it quits because they were not connecting or having sex. The wife had been raped by her brother and never told anyone or dealt with it. So she withdrew. He felt ignored and he turned to pornography because he felt like he was a failure as a husband. They found my website and got help. They gave their lives to Christ and are now going to a healthy church and growing together.

A prostitute was with a customer in a hotel room. While he was in the shower, she stole his cash and his bible and took off. Later that night she was looking for movie info and got my website instead. She had been sold into slavery and didn’t know who Jesus was or that she could be forgiven.

Each and every one of these examples started with a search for Fifty Shades of Grey. They “accidentally” got my website instead. I’m not here to debate the movie. I’m not going to justify ANYTHING. What I’m going to tell you is that Jesus gave me the name for this ministry and He has used it over and over to draw people to Himself. Until He tells me otherwise, I will continue on with this ministry and FIGHT the BATTLE for JESUS and sharing the gospel with ANYONE who will listen.

I know it’s controversial. I know it’s strange and weird and that my whole story is SEXUALLY charged and evil and any other words that come to your mind when someone has been hurt by another human being in such a way. There are millions of stories like mine. Many WORSE then mine. I know I talk about uncomfortable things. I know that there is strong language with words that are hard to read and hear. I know some think I draw attention to myself because I like that. You don’t know me at all. I don’t want THAT kind of attention. It’s not fun to be in “this club”. Do you get that???

You don’t have to read them. You don’t have to listen. But I pray that you will. I hope that you will pray for me and lift me up and share my posts so that others can hear it and might see or hear themselves in my experiences. It’s about Jesus. Always has been and always will be. I don’t want to make light of SIN. It’s not okay. It cost Jesus EVERYTHING.

This hurt me. Yep. It’s true. It probably hurts me most because I struggle with feeling like I’m not worth it to be loved and that Jesus probably ISN’T happy with me. It hurts me because I WAS there…so technically I participated but I was forced. “Do this or I’ll kill you. Do this or I’ll hurt your mother.” Do you not think that I live with the SHAME of what I did, even knowing now as an adult that I was forced to do those things? Do you not think that I would struggle with feeling like I was PERVERTED? A slut? A whore? Every day I must take every thought captive. Philippians 4:8 and more. Every word from God’s road map (the bible) is a love letter for me. I must read it and hide it in my heart so that satan doesn’t get a foothold. And that’s what I fight to do.

I didn’t laugh because porn is FUNNY. I laughed because my body, my mind and my heart belongs to Jesus now. He changed EVERYTHING. He put the light in where only darkness dwelled. I wasn’t making light of sin.

Know that every word that comes my way, I listen. I process and I pray through. If this man from Belgium got to hear the gospel through my story and then was being drawn to Jesus, I didn’t do that. Jesus did that. And I don’t get to take the credit but I DON’T GET THE BLAME EITHER.

I want to be the light in the darkness. But it’s JESUS who is the light. I’m just Sonya. For those of you that have prayed and stood with me in this ministry, THANK YOU!

So as I give all my hurt to Jesus…I hear Him say…LET THERE BE LIGHT. Light for my heart. Light for my mind. Light for the hard days. Light for me to see my way and know that He is with me when things are dark. And so there was.

42 Comments
  • V9222ow
    Posted at 01:00h, 13 July Reply

    I would not be saved now, if not for you. I was one that was looking up things that I shouldn’t have been, and found your website. You introduced me to Jesus and my life is changed forever. Now I serve him and help others to know him. Not that you’d try and take the credit for that but I want to encourage you because no one should judge anyone else. I wonder what crud this person is hiding from? Love you, Sonya. Keep the faith.

  • KellyHam14
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    This is just wrong. When I read this I thought it was funny, too. The idea of this guy not being able to tell facially that it wasn’t you in the movie was a silly thought that made me laugh out loud. I wanted you to know that you have made a big difference in my life. I was struggling in my marriage and you helped me to stick it out and get help. Two years later, we’re going strong and serving the Lord together. You never judged me. You didn’t preach at me. You told me what Jesus did in you and how much he loved me. That made all the difference. You are such a shining example of God’s mercy. Don’t let anyone shut off your light. I know you won’t. You wouldn’t be you in you did. Praying for you always as you share Jesus with the world.

  • Gool889
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    If you aren’t saved by Jesus, ain’t none of saved. Love you, girl.

  • Bill#4Med
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    You are the strongest woman I know. There is no way that your anything but brave and you love Jesus with a childlike faith. That’s what we all should do. You are loved.

  • NikiNovilTe
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    This makes me so mad. People are just stupid. Don’t you dare think about this for more then two seconds. It’s not worth it. You have changed my life. You make me not afraid to deal with my crud. I was carrying a bunch of guilt and you helped me to lay it down. You are fifty shades of beautiful. Keep your light shining for Jesus.

  • J877bet
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face because you have been through so much. I just realized that there is so much that you’ve been through we can’t possibly know all of it. In a way I’m glad we don’t. We don’t need to know it unless it helps someone deal with their own abuse. Thank you for your courage to share something so raw. I’m sorry that this person said hurtful words to you. They aren’t just attacking you but all of those you minister to, as well. I love your story, your music and your infectious personality. Keep on keeping on, Sonya.

  • JoelN4421
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    I was a man looking for pornography and found your website. I heard your story and thought can this be for real? You were so beautiful and you smiled like you had been set free. I knew it was real. Because of your website, I started asking questions about God and where did he fit in for my life. I realized that I had some issues that I never dealt with and needed to get that worked out and forgive someone for hurting me. I was running from that, making myself hold on to the anger of the situation. You helped me to find God. I didn’t know that I needed him but I did. Now, I go to church and I serve in the widow ministry. I’ve been saved for almost a year and I have you to thank for introducing me to Jesus. How has fifty shades of grace impacted me? It introduced me to my savior. I’d say that’s everything.

    Even in your pain, you shine the light of Jesus. I am praying for you to continue to stay strong in your faith.

  • 3387hlk
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    I know you aren’t listening to that nonsense. Right? Obviously, this person is not a follower of Christ. They would know that no one can be Jesus to anyone else and none of us are making God happy. That’s why we need Jesus. I was struggling with some issues from my past and you pushed me to deal with it. You prayed for me and you made me see that Jesus WILL forgive me. You never made it about you. It was always about Jesus. I’m so sorry that there are people in this world that try to hurt others on purpose.

  • Getsoap
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    You ARE total light in the darkness. Keep shining, Sonya. “Get your shine on, baby get your shine on shine on!” We love you and will continue to pray for your ministry as you share your story and make us deal with our crud.

  • Guthries
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    My wife and I have been huge fans of yours for years. We’ve loved your music but mostly we love your story and how you sacrifice your heart so that others can know that Jesus is real and that he loves them. Perverted? You are the most perfectly pure perversion that Jesus has ever made. No one can stop the work of Jesus in you or through you, Sonya.

  • ChrisCandor
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    I wouldn’t have heard about Jesus if it wasn’t for your fifty shades of grace. You don’t know how much your words have ministered to me and taught me to go to my source – Jesus first. His light shines through you. Let there be light, Sonya!

  • 992341cx
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    If it weren’t for you sharing Jesus, I wouldn’t be saved now. That’s just plain fact.
    Thank you for that gift. You could hide away in your hurt and anger but you don’t. Instead you share your pain, you sing and you give us hope.

  • Buck99
    Posted at 12:00h, 13 July Reply

    Oh Sonya. I would’ve shriveled up and not gotten out of the bed if someone would’ve said those things to me. Once again, you share your vulnerable heart and in only the way that you can, you allow us into your soul and pour it out for all of us to see. I thought it was funny. The fact that Jesus uses a pornographic movie to reveal himself to people is nothing less than laughable. It’s awesome. Please know that you are loved and that we support you in continuing to do what GOD has called you to do.

  • 4632Bmnw
    Posted at 12:20h, 13 July Reply

    This makes me so angry! How can anyone say whether Jesus is happy with anyone? Isn’t He unhappy with all of us? You keep doing what you’re doing. If it wasn’t for you, I would never have dealt with my crud.

  • MeganT
    Posted at 01:13h, 14 July Reply

    Pee on their leg, Ms. Sonya. Pee on their leg. ha ha Your students love you and you don’t know how much I’ve grown closer to Jesus because of you.

  • Camille
    Posted at 01:32h, 14 July Reply

    Thank you for your honesty and your vulnerability, Sonya. You are loved and appreciated. IT’S ALL ABOUT JESUS! WE ARE HIS BELOVED!!

  • Mackenzie
    Posted at 02:13h, 14 July Reply

    You, my dear sister, are far more than worth it! You are so much more! I know you know this! You’ve taught it to so many people through your ministry! I have an amazing young woman who wouldn’t be who she is today if it weren’t for this crazy, fun, loving, encouraging, and slightly pushy (You will sing on stage! haha) teacher that came into her life a few years ago.
    I am sorry that someone used words as weapons against you. I pray that you are able to truly release them and leave them at the feet of our Savior. It is such an honor to call you friend. You keep being you! I will continue to lift you up along with those that you are led to (or that are led to you). Love you!

  • JakeD_77
    Posted at 12:00h, 14 July Reply

    Do you want me to beat them up for you? I will. Girl, you need to shake the dust off. Those words were meant to sting. Ain’t nobody got time for that. You have too many souls to win for Jesus. Love you!

  • Rabbt667
    Posted at 12:00h, 14 July Reply

    Thank you for sharing your hurt with us. You never cease to amaze me how you can take a horrible thing and make it something beautiful. Fifty Shades of Grace fits you, Sonya. It’s who you are because of Jesus. What the world tried to destroy, Jesus painted a beautiful canvas.

    I read your blog two years ago and have followed it ever since. I scroll through all the posts and think, what an awesome God we serve to allow someone like you to share that kind of dark abuse and make it turn out glorious for the kingdom of God. So many times I find myself struggling with a certain issue and your words lead me back to Jesus. Are there enough words to thank you for that? Not at all. You make us laugh. You make us cry and you make us praise the lord for his goodness to us all. I’d say that Jesus is more than happy with you!

  • 35893mp
    Posted at 12:00h, 14 July Reply

    Sonya, you know what I’m going to say don’t you? I don’t know who that person thinks they are but they need their ass whooped. And I’d be happy to do it, too. I suspect I’d be second in line to Rick and the boys. When I read this post I just had to let you know what you mean to me and what a difference you’ve made in my life.

    I’m a grown man and sometimes I feel stupid thinking how weak I was before you came along. As you know I served my country but I was lost. I was trapped in my pain, scared to death for anyone to know my shame. And you changed all that. You made me understand that I’m not my past. You gave me a voice. You made me know that Jesus has a plan for my life and that I could be anything, do anything, because with Jesus all things are possible. You didn’t give up because someone hurt you. You kicked that pain in the balls. You gave me – a soldier, the courage to deal with my crud and to forgive. Do you know what a gift that is? You helped me to forgive the one who hurt me and you gave me the strength to forgive myself. You helped me to know that I could be loved and that I was worth it.

    You have more guts then I ever will. The idea that someone could do those things to a child. I could hardly read what you wrote, the details of what they did to you. I know because I was raped, too. Again the guts that it took for you to write those words for all of us to see and you still get up every day and love people. You are the most courageous person I’ve ever met and I owe you so much. I have Jesus in my life and I’m able to love my girl now because of you. She loves me and I love her. I never thought that I’d have this. I didn’t think I was worthy to have it. You told me that Jesus says I am worthy and more. I’m dealing with my crud and I’m helping others. I’ve even shared Jesus with some of the guys and two of my friends gave their lives to Jesus. You had a part in that. So did I but I got that from you. I hope that makes you proud. Proud of me but mostly proud of yourself. You made it. You didn’t let them beat you.

    I’m just one of many that you’ve made a difference in our lives. This made me angry on many different levels. It almost felt like an attack against all of us that have been changed by your story. The idea that you are perverted makes me want to crack skulls. That’s just sick and that’s why the abuse continues is because of people like this. Those men did that to you. Your mother beat you and tried to kill you. Not the other way around. What could a child do against grown men?

    Sonya, if you’re perverted then so am I. I hurt for you because I understand the daily struggle to not feel perverted or dirty. It was your words that helped me to realize that I didn’t deserve the abuse or ask for it in any way. I was there but I didn’t WANT to do that. He forced me just like you. You gave me the chance to change my life. I know that it’s the power of Jesus that has saved me and changed me. But he used YOU to do that for me and many others. Even in your hurt, you still told us about Jesus and stood for him. Like I said, you get the award for the coolest chick.

    We learn in the military to stand WITH each other when under attack. We don’t leave anyone behind. You have to know that I stand with you, Sonya. You are not alone and I’m not the only one standing by your side. You’ve got Rick and your boys and friends and family. You are under attack. So you do you. Fight. Keep doing what you’ve always done and share your story. Let us be there for you now. Let us be your light.

    I respect you. I am inspired by you and I love your heart. I guess you’re stuck with me. Ha!

    Your brother in Christ,
    Alex.

    • hisgirl
      Posted at 20:00h, 19 July Reply

      Oh Alex, you make me SO proud. This just made my day.
      I see you growing in Jesus and look at you…loving your girl and sharing Jesus with others. I can’t begin to express to you how excited I am about what God is doing in your life and how you are becoming more and more, the man that you always wanted to be. You and I will always be connected because of how we met and what we’ve been through. But I have to tell you that you made me cry so many times with your comment. Knowing that you are standing WITH me, is just such a blessing and I am honored to know you. You are young man now but you are so far ahead of the rest because you have placed your trust in Jesus. I know you know this but it has to be said AGAIN. You are a wonderful man and you have so much to offer to this girl that has captured your heart. As you love her and lead her to Jesus, you are going to be unstoppable for the kingdom of God. Just look at the people that you have helped by bravely sharing your story with me?

      Thank you for your love and support and I know that you pray for me so thanks for that, too. Thank you for all that you said and for respecting Rick the way that you do. It means a lot to me.

      I can’t wait to see what God is going to do in you and through you.

      I respect you, I am inspired by you and I love your heart, too. You ARE stuck with me.

      Your sister in Jesus,

      Sonya

  • MichelleH889
    Posted at 12:00h, 14 July Reply

    I smile not because you were hurt in this but that you will continue to share your story no matter what. I am in awe of how you do what you do but I know that you have God’s strength helping you to do it. Do you have any idea how many people you have helped? There’s no way to count. I was having panic attacks because of some past sexual abuse and your testimony helped me find Jesus. How can I ever thank you for introducing me to my savior? Jesus has changed my life and as I’ve went to counseling and started dealing with my crud, the panic attacks are gone. Praise the Lord. Please know that you are making a difference and we know that you struggle, but it’s how you keep pointing us to Jesus that makes us dig deeper into what He has for us. You don’t have to be anything more than who you are. It’s enough. I learned that from YOU. I love your heart!

  • GrantS
    Posted at 12:00h, 14 July Reply

    Once again, you take something that someone should know better but didn’t do better – and you beautifully express yourself in such a way that still honors Christ. You have shared openly and do open yourself up to attacks. We who love you, need to continue to lift you up in prayer so that you do not grow weary or discouraged in this really difficult calling that God has you on. The only part of “participated in” was your physical body being there. That’s it. It wasn’t your fault. You are not to blame and there is no shame for surviving and doing what you had to do to make sure you lived. You already know this because you tell all of us this, every time you share a post. So let us encourage you and minister to you, Sonya. We all have crud. And you bravely share yours with the world and do it with grace, truth and love. You’ve taught us so much about how to be real and how to deal with crud so that we can be free. (Your words, not mine.) I am just one who is forever grateful for how you’ve impacted my life. God bless you!

  • BTeddyG
    Posted at 12:00h, 14 July Reply

    My heart breaks for you. I can’t imagine pouring yourself out, only to be ridiculed for being honest and trying to have a good attitude in the face of something so evil as like what happened to you when you were a kid. But I know that you great strength because you rely on your rescuer. I will be praying for you and your ministry as you continue to fight the flames of hell.

  • Veo33990
    Posted at 12:00h, 15 July Reply

    This makes me so mad. How can they say this? It’s not for any of us to say whether the Lord is happy with us or not. I believe in the Jesus I see in you, Sonya. Keep rocking it for Jesus.

  • Momma Brown
    Posted at 12:00h, 15 July Reply

    Sonya, so I read this comment and my first thought that came to me is Do You Know My Jesus? So they didn’t like it, well I got news for them not everybody will. However look how many people has come to know Jesus because of the title when they were searching for something else. God ordained the name for reason. My Jesus did talk among People with dark souls. My Jesus went to the cross for murderers, criminals, liars, cheaters, deceivers, the rich, the poor, the perverted, etc. Jesus did not go to the cross for just one group, he went for all. What did he say to the disciples? Go and tell, preaching the gospel. Yep that my Jesus. That who I choose to serve. He saved this old wretch for a reason and yes we need to go and tell our stories for a reason. Just this week I got to visit with 4 different families because of one particular story in our lives. Why did they come and talk to me? They knew I had been there and they wanted to know how I got through it. Jesus was my answer. Plain in simple. Never adjust God’s perfect plan. He knows best and FYI we don’t. Love you girl.

  • Desiree311
    Posted at 12:00h, 15 July Reply

    Sonya, when I met you it was over egg rolls and when you asked me what I did for a living and I told you I was in adult entertainment you didn’t even bat an eye. I kept waiting for the judgement and the stuck up bullShot that happens with church people who think their better than me. You talked about my kids and what I dreamed for myself and then you shared your story. Do you remember that? I got so involved in your story that we grabbed a booth and ate egg rolls. I’m like is this girl for real? You told me about Jesus but not in any way I knew before. You asked me what I thought about Jesus and before I knew it I was telling you about my life. Even after you knew about my abortions you didn’t judge me. You told me how much Jesus loves me and that he had a plan for my life. You didn’t sugar coat anything but you told me straight up truth. I was like “this girl is different.” So I read your blogs and I watched your video and you conitued to meet me for egg rolls. I never told you this but the day I met you I was feeling so empty. I was pregnant again and just didn’t want to go through another abortion. I thought about killing myself. I even planned out how I would do it and then my mom wanted egg rolls so I went there and there you was. I know it’s no accident. You can tell me the truth and I know that you care about me when you say it. That is why people listen to you. You don’t know act like you better then us. You tell people about you and jesus and treat people with respect. So I don’t know who this person is but they need to go and you need to flow.

    I wouldn’t be saved if it ain’t for you and egg rolls. lol. Thank you for..well just thank you for making me feel important and like I matter. I never had that. I love you girl.

  • Ozzie78
    Posted at 12:00h, 15 July Reply

    Oh Sonya. It hurt my heart to read this persons obvious hatred for you. Thank you for sharing your hurt in such a way that was pleasing to Jesus and also vulnerable. You always give us exactly how you feel about whatever is going on. And that is why we all read your stuff because you are “real”. Don’t ever change. I believe Jesus is quite happy with you. Thank you for helping me deal with my crud.

  • V7821wet
    Posted at 12:00h, 15 July Reply

    Lots of us have stories. But no one can do you. You have a gift that breaks down barriers that nobody else can penetrate. You do you and let Jesus shine through you. Let there be light, Sonya. And there was. Because HE said so. I love you so much.

  • 23508275
    Posted at 12:00h, 16 July Reply

    You inspire me to be more like Christ. I just wanted you to know that.

  • Beverly Yenter
    Posted at 12:00h, 16 July Reply

    None of us are without sin, including the woman who spewed vile at you. May God have mercy on her. Thank you for your testimony and I pray you find peace in your walk with Jesus.

  • Janelle
    Posted at 12:00h, 16 July Reply

    I need to apologize to you. I was one that felt tying a “Jesus” ministry to something as sick as “Fifty Shades of Grey” was completely immoral and disrespectful to god. I was so convicted by this post, that I just needed to write to you and ask you to forgive me. I guess I felt like anyone that would willfully discuss such horrific atrocities about themselves must be a fame-seeker, a liar or sick. Because why would anyone want to discuss it? If it was so painful, then why choose to share it with the world? So I turned my back on any post. I just didn’t want to hear it. But then a friend of mine who follows you, was talking about this post and so I read it and I felt ashamed. I’ve thought similar things and I heard your hurt over someone thinking those things about you. I just wanted you to know that I was wrong and I ask you to forgive me. I see how this ministry is being used by God to get his word out and bring people to a place of healing and forgiveness. I also want to confess to you that I too, was hurt as a girl but never wanted anyone to know. I suspect that’s the reason I’ve been so hard on you sharing yours. I guess Jesus is feeding me my own dose of humble pie. I’m so sorry that I hardened my heart to what you’re doing. Please forgive me. I thought it was time to deal with my crud.

  • WillR
    Posted at 12:00h, 16 July Reply

    This is funny. Not really but it is. I was the guy looking up naked chicks and got you instead. I wrote to you and told you about being in a porn search remember? I watched your story and I felt like god was speaking right to me. This website changed my life. I started asking questions and found myself walking into a church to find answers. Since then I have started going to a…wait for it…a bible study with some guys I work with. My whole life is different. God got a hold of me through your story and your website and now I am a follower of Jesus Christ. You had a part in that, Sonya and I am eternally grateful.

    This is just another example of how you take lemons and make lemonade. She’s got crud. Obviously she’s never dealt with it. You are making a huge difference in people’s lives and I can never thank you enough for what you did for me. You have a light that can never be put out. So shine it. Thank you again for what you did for me and what you continue to do for all of us. BTW…I’ll see you in heaven.

  • gracex9
    Posted at 12:00h, 16 July Reply

    I’m sitting here reading all of these responses to this post and I feel like we should track this person down and beat them within an inch of their life. Nah, just kidding but it does make me wonder why are they so angry with you? Why do they feel like you’re promoting the sex industry or even joking about that? Like you say all the time, hurting people hurt people. Maybe they’ve been hurt too.

    At first I was thinking you shouldn’t respond but the more I read it, I realized that the Lord would use it for Himself. In your raw emotional hurt, you revealed your humanism and your desire to be loved just like you’ve shared with every post. My heart hurt for you and it made me cry to read the words of what those guys did to you. I know that you can’t share everything but when you do give descriptions, my heart breaks.

    I want you to know how much you’ve blessed me and forced me to deal with my own crud. I was married at an early age and I had been molested by an uncle. My mom knew but never wanted to discuss it. She wouldn’t let me talk about it. I felt like I deserved it or asked for it somehow. When I got married I loved him but I didn’t like sex. It hurt me and it was a reminder of what had been done to me as a kid. I never told my husband and he ended up leaving me for another woman. We got divorced and I’ve never allowed anyone to get close to me again. I found your website through one of your songs on youtube and fell in love with your music. Then I watched your video. I immediately related to you pain and as I continued to read your blog, I knew that God was trying to speak to me through your words. I couldn’t deny it any more and knew I had to deal with it and forgive or I’d die of bitterness. When you shared your story and how Jesus changed your life, I knew that I wanted that too. So I prayed and asked Jesus to forgive me and save me. And since then, I’ve been reading my bible and going to church. He truly has changed me.

    So if you ever feel down or discouraged about what your doing, remember this. I am saved because you took the time to share your story and tell me about the Lord. I can never thank you enough for that. I will continue to pray for you as you do the job that God has given you to do.

  • Haoir1298
    Posted at 12:00h, 17 July Reply

    Fifty Shades of Grace changed my life. Why? I was looking for porn and I got your face instead. I was thinking, she’s too sweet to be a porn star but I clicked on it anyways. I watched your story and couldn’t help but feel guilty for how I was treating women in general. I never hit anyone or anything but I used them for my own satisfaction. Since I read your stuff and heard your story I just can’t do what I used to do. I’m not a religious person but I know that what I was doing was wrong. Way to be a c8ck blocker, Sonya. just kidding but I sorta mean it, too.

    When I read this I kept thinking it was a joke but I realized it wasn’t and there are people out there that are going to be threatened by you. Why? Because you have strong power. Again, even I can see that. You shouldn’t mess with that. And this person did and it’s obvious that they are threatened by what your trying to do. I’m living proof that your words can make a difference. I never thought about god or what his role in my life might be. Now I am. And that’s because of your “sinful” fifty shades of grace.
    ps. You are a beautiful girl who had her innocence stolen. I’m sorry for the role that I played in that by looking at pornography and not thinking about the women’s feelings. There has to be a god in order for you to do what you do. So keep doing it.

  • MirlFrie
    Posted at 12:00h, 17 July Reply

    If anything, you should feel encouraged and loved with all of the responses to this post. So don’t let satan get you down and just shake the dust off and keep sharing your story. I hope you know that you are loved.

  • 84272m
    Posted at 12:00h, 17 July Reply

    I think you are the bravest person I know. Who cares what anyone thinks? You know who you are and what Jesus has done for you. You answer to him and that’s all that matters. They’re probably jealous that they can’t do what you’re doing because they’d never be strong enough to be that vulnerable or real in front of anyone without passing out and crapping their pants. What they need is some diapers. Keep doing what you’re doing. You got this.

  • TracyM4143
    Posted at 12:00h, 17 July Reply

    Beautifully said. I’m sorry for all the things that you’ve been through. I wonder if you could have ever known that you would speak into people’s lives like you do. Your story is amazing and the way you share it is even more beautiful. The world needs to hear your message. Don’t ever stop!

  • ChristineW
    Posted at 12:00h, 18 July Reply

    The bottom line is that my marriage would’ve been over by now if it wasn’t for your blog. I’ve tried counseling and no one has ever just spoken the truth and put it out there like you do. I was abused as a kid and didn’t deal with that and it came out in my marriage and I hurt my husband. When I found your website I was already making plans to leave but something about your words changed my mind and made me take a step back and ask some hard questions. I wasn’t being honest in my marriage and he had no idea why I was acting the way I was so how could I leave and not give it a chance with him knowing everything that I had been through?

    Now we read all your posts together and we’ve learned a bunch of things that we didn’t even know we didn’t know. lol Thank you for not letting people like this get to you and to make you quit. We need more of this and less of the judgement and comparing ourselves to everyone else. It seems like no body has their act together. We’ve all got CRUD. Thank you for everything. You don’t even know how much we’ve changed because of dealing with our issues.

  • P48483nit
    Posted at 12:00h, 18 July Reply

    I’m sitting here with tears falling down my face and I want to scream at this person because this is why people can’t stand Christians. Jesus went to the sinful people. He helped them and healed them. He wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty by them.

    I think about all that you must have went through. It’s too much to even imagine. I was sexually abused by my father and my mother did nothing. Because of that I was sexually active as a teenager. I didn’t care what anyone thought and I dared people to try to love me. I see myself in you. Only, I didn’t run to god, I ran from god. And then I found your website. Your story made me stop and realize that god was not the enemy and that he didn’t want me to be hurt but my father was the one who did that. He chose to hurt me. I needed to forgive myself and to forgive my father. By far the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. YOU helped me to do that, Sonya. By working on my crud and facing it, I was able to let go of my anger. I released him from the debt that he owed me.

    Please don’t ever stop sharing your story. It matters to people like me. That’s how I was able to begin to heal.

  • Laura Herrera
    Posted at 12:00h, 18 July Reply

    Sonya,
    Don’t listen to the words of someone who has clearly forgotten that they are a sinner and their arrogant attitude drips of pride. Also Satan wants you to believe the words he whispered in his little minions ear. We must all realize we can be used by God or by the enemy.

  • 766583x
    Posted at 12:00h, 21 July Reply

    I had no idea that you had been through anything like this. You always seem so happy and you have a great family. I’m not sure what to say to you but I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt and I think it’s amazing that you share this story and that God uses it to save people. This really touched me and I will have to process this information and pray about how I will live differently because of it. God bless you as you do your ministry.

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