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Got Crud.


We’ve all got it.


So WHAT is it?

Crud is the emotion caused by sin.


I was hurt sexually by my mother’s boyfriend. Some of the emotions that I felt that are attached to that abuse would be pain, fear, sadness and self-doubt. My mother finds out and blames me and physically abuses me for it happening. Some of the emotions that I felt because of that abuse were loneliness, fear, sadness, self-blame, and pain. Then, I grow up, Jesus saves me and I forgive this man. I forgive my mother.

But…my CRUD isn’t gone.


It comes and goes based on what is happening in my life and how I deal with it or if I refuse to deal with it. It can manifest itself as self-loathing, not feeling good enough, unworthiness, not trusting people, fearing that people will hurt me, feeling like no one will truly love me.

So how does that crud impact my life today?


Let’s say I meet someone new, become friends and trust them with private information and they betray that trust and share it with someone else, it can trigger emotions from my past crud. Even though I’ve already forgiven the man and my mother, I can still feel emotions about what happened to me.


Contrary to some, that doesn’t mean that I haven’t forgiven them. I HAVE.

If someone hits you, you can forgive them. But you will still feel the bruise. If someone comes up to you and raises an arm, you might even flinch for a while after that, because that’s what you felt when someone raised a hand to you before. The fear that we felt causes us to REACT even though there is forgiveness. Forgiveness is mandatory for Jesus followers. Christ forgave us so we must forgive others.


Even when I choose to forgive the friend that betrayed my trust, I might feel emotions like, “Why did they betray me? Was I not important enough for them to keep my trust? I must not be lovable or worthy to have someone be my friend. People who should know better never do better by me because I’m not worth it.”


And so I must work through that CRUD. If I don’t, it WILL spiral out of control and become my new belief. Since we live in a world of sin, things WILL keep happening that will cause an emotional response. Emotions will always be felt based on that sin and will continuously have to be dealt with. CON-TIN-U-OUSLY!


CRUD that isn’t dealt with, can become SIN acted out in our lives. Sin is anything that keeps us from living in a full relationship with Jesus Christ.


You can try to pretend it’s not there. You can try to ignore it. You can lie to yourself and place a bandaid on it but if you don’t clean out the wound, no bandaid in the world will help heal it. Sometimes the crud gets there at the hands of someone else. But sometimes the crud gets there because of us. And it’s that CRUD that comes out when we are squeezed by all the chaos, demands and pressures of this world.


My heart is that we ALL would deal with our crud.


The bible says, “You will know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” Dealing with crud is hard. It takes time. It takes prayer. It takes vulnerability and truthfulness. Jesus Christ came into the world not to condemn the world but to save the world. To save US.


Jesus Christ can handle our CRUD. He can heal, save and reconcile. He can forgive. We must DEAL with the crud – take hold of it, get our hands dirty in order to get in there and clean it out. Sharing our CRUD with others and how Jesus is healing and growing us through the crud is the most powerful story of His love and grace.




Why don’t you share and let us pray together.
Watch what Jesus can do.

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Sonya Brunner