So many thoughts today. (This is really just a letter to myself.)

For some reason I woke up thinking about all the ways I’ve blown it and fallen short. All the woulda, shoulda, coulda’s…and how easy it is to believe the negative about something…especially yourself.

And then I saw this picture. This girl who had NO idea what her world become in a few short years…

She is so innocent and open and free…free from fear, free from judgment, free from self loathing, free from doubt, free from comparison, free from jealousy, free from insecurity, free from pain and hurt…free from pressure, free from disappointment, free from the weight of bad choices.

This is me FREE from CRUD.

So I stared at this picture of a little girl. She clearly has that “sparkle” in her eyes that says “I can do anything, be anything.” But it’s that smile that says “I’m about to get into a little trouble but it will be fun…” expression. (That’s my personal favorite.)

The most difficult thing about getting older is that CRUD has changed me.

I don’t know an existence without CRUD. So once again, I must make a choice. Do I continue to beat myself up, or do I deal with my crud and believe the One who died for me so that I could be FREE?

ALL OF US HAVE CRUD.

It’s a daily choice to believe who Jesus is, what Jesus did and what Jesus says. That is called faith. It’s a living, breathing relationship that must be cultivated every day. The moment that other things become more important then THAT relationship, trouble happens.

And Jesus loves me enough to not leave me where I am. He wanted to get my attention because I was believing satan’s lies instead of believing Jesus’ truth.

So what does this mean?

CHOOSE.
DEAL WITH YOUR CRUD.
CONFESS YOUR SIN.
BELIEVE JESUS.
TRUST JESUS.
LOVE JESUS.
LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE JESUS LOVES YOU.

This is my gift to myself on my birthday. I am Sonya. I am a wife to Rick, a mom to Tyler and Ryan, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a follower of Jesus. I am also a sinner saved by grace. I am an overcomer because of Jesus. I can do all things BECAUSE of Jesus. I am not who I used to be. I am FREE. I am FORGIVEN. I am WHOLE. I am LOVED.

Happy birthday to you, Sonya.

Jesus wanted you, planned for you, died for you and loves you. You didn’t earn it or deserve it but Jesus did all these things anyway.

So you continue to walk in the way that Jesus leads you…you fight for others, you keep sharing what Jesus has done for you, you keep dealing with your crud as it comes, and you do it with a smile that says, “‘I’m no better then anyone but I’m not worse either.”

Stop beating yourself up. Get off the gerbil wheel, and put your big girl panties on and LIVE the life that Jesus has for you…Knowing that you ARE as FREE today as you were in that picture BECAUSE OF JESUS.

*I pray that I always have this smile on my face that says, “I’m about to get into a little trouble but it’ll be fun!